Transcript | Annotation | Source: 89-4286-HH-2-##(PDF) | Month Index
We got up at 9.00.
For breakfast I served grape juice, pancakes with syrup, fried eggs, beef slices and Sanka.
Zelline told me, as she had before, of the wealthy women she had worked for, for many years. Zelline’s eyesight has become very bad. She had previously told me how nice a person Rocki Breidenbach is, but this time she had nothing but complaints. More money was being taken from her disability check than the law prescribed for her lodging, Rocki bought only white bread and she wouldn’t listen if whole grain bread was suggested, and so on.
I did the dishes.
We left for service about 11.00, and I stopped for Magnolia and Kaye.
Magnolia wasn’t ready but Kaye came with us. Zelline was impatient about the delay, though the service was not until 12.00. She wanted to get a front row seat.
Kaye has been in San Francisco several times in connection with her disability claim from the post-office. An employee dropped a heavy object on her foot while she was employed by the post-office department. It has been decided that she cannot be paid for disability but she is entitled to be given preferential status for reinstatement. She has to pass the post-office examination.
Ginny Lambrev has been in the services lately. She was in the service today and looked well. She told me she is living in San Francisco now. She regains her Temple membership today.
In the service there were the usual preliminary events.
A tape from one of the Bakersfield services was played.
Jim took the offering.
Our corn crop in the promised land was menaced by dampness, and our drying equipment had not yet been obtained. Jim insured five days with no rain, and the corn dried. All forty-three tons are to be sold to the government of Guyana.
Tim Jones (not Jim’s adopted son, but a young black man from San Francisco) sang a song called “Lady Love” while other young men accompanied him with gestures. He endeared himself to Jim and the crowd by dancing with Annie McGowan, a senior.
Larry Swinney had used “fuck” several times while expressing a desire to fight a counselor. He was to get his desire, Jim decided that he should fight with someone his own height. He had a hard fight and was defeated.
David Gallie was commended for undertaking hard and dangerous jobs around the Temple.
Glenn Hennington was on the floor for driving without a license for six months. He got a ticket. He had to fight a girl who knocked him out, which exhilarated the feminine portion of the audience.
Jim performed healings.
The congregation came to the altar.
The meeting was out at 3.30. I gave a ride home to Washington Sanders.
I ate a meal.
I left for the evening service at 5.30, it began at 6.00.
Sandy Ingram reported on her trip to the promised land. She and Helen Swinney have just returned. She said the approaches to our property resembled the entrance to a magnificent estate. Sitting on the porch eating a meal, as far as the eye can reach, one sees the land which we have cleared.
The congregation sang several songs and vibrations were raised to a high point. When Jim appeared on the podium, he received an ovation for along period.
He took an offering.
Then he asked for members to give their opinions as to what his thoughts were while he was being praised so effusively. Most believed that he was wondering about the differences between our expressions and our performance: sacrifices, loyalty, offerings. Many took the opportunity to give their own opinions, not what he may have thought but what they thought, and some even testified about how much he meant to them until he stopped them. When my turn came, I said I was reminded of another great leader (Jim had me name him – Vladimir Lenin), who did not care what people thought of him, did not look at himself in the mirror of history. Jim said I was very close to what his thinking had been; it was true he didn’t care what others thought of him, and as for history, he only cared that history recorded he had done his best to establish socialism. I went on to say that I believed it was painful to him to hear himself praised, but that he knew we needed to do it. He said yes, you do need it. I added that I thought that when he became bored at the adulation, he looked at individuals and evaluated them as to whether they would remain faithful. Jim said he did so, he evaluated people and does so all the time. Earlier he had told someone that he already knew who would stand by him when under pressure.
Jim spoke of how he dislikes public acclaim, and that he was thinking it was impossible to live up to the charismatic demand made of him. The demand for character which he always fulfilled was in conflict with the demand for charisma, and he would always decide in favor of character. For instance, he would always tell the truth, though it might destroy the image of “God” which some of us expect of him. Nevertheless, everything done here in all media is very carefully planned.
He continued: People are very superstitious. Marx, when he said religion is the opium of the people, did not feel contempt for the people. He knew that the conditions of their lives are so hard that they have to have faith in a god to save them. He spoke of those who objected to using religion to bring about social change. I’d prefer to be in a union hall tonight, but the unions are all sold out to big business. When I was young I looked around for an institution which I could use to build socialism, and the church is the only place I could get in. The revolution doesn’t adapt itself to your criteria. Some of you are too smug to do what is necessary. As Paul said, I must become all things to all men that by any means I might save the more. He said, by any means. The end justifies the means – but the means must lead to a noble end. You cannot use people. I have the choice of playing God or being God. 1 always will be God and admit imperfections. But as long as people call on God, 1 answer, “Here I am.”
After Penny Kerns in her remarks called attention to what he sacrificed: sleep, food, companionship with his family, Jim stated that whatever he did, whether it was with his immediate family, the leadership group, or the congregation, his attitude was the same: consideration of the needs of the people involved and of the cause. He told how he had become engaged to Marceline because she was the mayor’s daughter, and he wanted to tie him in with socialism although he felt a strong attraction to a beautiful black woman. “I could have been led by my heart or by my ass. Most of you let yourselves be led by your ass. But I had a commitment to Marceline.
She had suffered a great deal. Even white middle class people suffer. And what I did was right for socialism because she has made a good Mother for you.”
Anthony Beam, the boy who was a gang leader and stole from people’s purses, returned a wallet with money in it which he had found. Jim gave the boy five dollars.
David Smith wheeled Jewel Runnels in a wheelchair on the Disneyland trip, and she appreciated it.
The congregation filed past the altar.
The service was out at 10.15. I took home Valor and two other women to the Henderson apartments. Contonia has been in the Valley a week and is going back.
I arrived home at 11.30. I read the Saturday and Sunday papers for an hour. I went to bed at 1.00.